


every single part is who you're meant to be

by Waistcoat35



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Body Image, Clothing, Fluff, M/M, Richard being soppy, Thomas Barrow's Appearance Related Identity Revelations, Thomas melting for him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:29:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29793333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waistcoat35/pseuds/Waistcoat35
Summary: Thomas adds a spot of colour to his style. Richard approves.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	every single part is who you're meant to be

**Author's Note:**

> content warning: Thomas thinking a bit about body image and how his own has changed eg. weight etc, I've seen some people say discussion of this affects them so I thought I'd tag to be safe??
> 
> p.s if anyone thinks that having a content warning for this does them more harm than good then please let me know!!

He doesn't know what makes him take a second look at it in the shop - he's meant to be fetching some more plain ties, another of Richard's few remaining good ones lost in an incident involving a tug of war between their (their!) nieces and nephews and the Ellis parents' dog. But once he has found those, rather than going to pay he notices the waistcoat. It's like nothing he already owns - and perhaps that _is_ why he's drawn to it as he is. The material is a soft light blue, no fancy embellishment or particularly expensive material, but it matches his eyes, which he thinks he likes. Well, it matches Richard's description of Thomas' eyes - Thomas would just say they're grey. 

He rubs a seam between thumb and forefinger, notes the quality of the stitching. It's impressive, it is - but mostly, he just likes it.

When he pays, it is for five black ties (plus one red and white striped because he knows Richard will like it to put with his navy suit) and the waistcoat. He doesn't mention it when he gets home.

* * *

On a Friday evening, three weeks after the purchase, Thomas is adjusting the waistcoat, ready to go out. As he'd expected it blends in well with his newer suit - the dove-grey one. It's different, yes, but then again, he's _felt_ different lately. He doesn't know exactly what it is, but there are less dark circles under his eyes. He is softer on the stomach, a little more filled out at the waistline, sturdier in the limbs, and it makes him feel more settled into himself, though he doubts that makes sense. He still has his frown lines, etched in too deeply to fade, but he has smile lines as well - they crinkle at the corners of his eyes, make dimples when his mouth turns up, and all of it put together makes him look the healthiest and least troubled he likely has in years. Maybe it is time for a change.

For a long time it has been scowls and sharp, slim, cutting angles. It has been black and brown and slate grey, not permitting himself colour in his clothing or else not _being_ permitted it - but even on days off he had simply shied away from it. It never seemed like him, and he hadn't been sure what would be worse - knowing that, or hearing someone else say it. Because what would the point have been, in changing in a house that seemed to do nothing but dog his heels and try to make him change, and then scorn and point and wonder when he tried to. _Look at this pathetic man,_ it had felt like sometimes. _Look at this pitiful attempt to start anew when we'll never, ever let him._

Well. Now he is permitting himself some colour in his life, just as, a near-decade ago, he had permitted himself to change his parting, trim down the hair at his temples. It had made him look older - feel it, too. It lended itself to the idea he knew what he was doing. And the colour lends itself to the idea that he is _enjoying_ what he is doing. The blue feels like - himself. 

When he emerges from their room and descends to where Richard is waiting in the hall, Thomas sees him stop for a moment, mouth frozen on what he was going to say. He notes, vaguely through the swimmy, adrift feeling coursing through him, that Richard is wearing the red tie, which pleases him more than it ought to. Seconds tick by, and he feels himself getting rather nervous. By now a negative reaction might have been better than none at all.  
  
'Probably looks silly,' he murmurs, tone a little bit timid, 'D'you think I should swap it for-'  
  
But he can't say anything else then, because Richard is kissing him. It is somehow both terribly gentle and infused with wanting, and he can do little but sigh into it and kiss back, arm snaking to Richard's shoulder to drape around it. He laughs quietly at the disappointed look on Richard's face when they are forced to part for air, wrapping his other arm around Richard's back.

'What's brought this on?' Richard asks softly after the kiss, nuzzling the side of his face against Thomas' like a cat.  
  
'Could ask you the same, kissing a man in the middle of his sentences,' he retorts, just for the unapologetic grin he knows it will bring. 'But - I'm not sure, really.' He leans further into Richard's arms around his waist. 'Just felt like time for a change, I think. It - happens, sometimes.'  
  
'Oh?' Richard sounds thoughtful, but not offput or as though he might not understand. 'Any pattern to it?'  
  
'I think so,' Thomas ventures, shy. 'Maybe.' He tilts his head so that he can kiss the corner of Richard's jaw.  
  
'What might it be?' Richard's hand soothes lightly over his hip through the fabric.  
  
'I think,' he loops his arm closer around Richard's back, 'I think it happens when - when I just feel differently about things. About myself. When I'm - happier than I was before, with all that.'  
  
He wasn't aware Richard's gaze - or anyone's - could be that twinkly. 'Oh, Thomas,' he says, so softly, not in a way that sounds like he thinks him silly, and that's what makes Thomas properly relax. 'I'm- I'm glad. So very glad. And by the way-' he kisses his temple, 'it's beautiful. You're beautiful.' 

'You like it, then,' Thomas teases - mostly not asking for reassurance. Mostly. 

Richard smiles, noses Thomas' neck. 'If it's somehow related to you it isn't exactly hard to like.'

Thomas is more relieved than he lets on. 'Not exactly my usual, is it.'

'No,' Richard says, 'but you're not exactly a usual person. In all the best of ways.'

They leave soon after - Thomas somehow managing to make Richard stop kissing him and holding them up - and when they join their friends at the bar Richard seems eager to take Thomas' jacket for him far earlier on than any of their friends' partners.


End file.
